One second of brilliance
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September 30, 2007 |
 Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think. - Dale Carnegie |
posted by Rebelparent @ 11:44 pm   |
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Is there such a thing as easy discipline !?
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September 29, 2007 |
On thinking how to be a great parent, i remember a time when my grandfather relayed a phrase to my mother which made her cringe at times.
Although i vaguely recall what the exact words were, the gist being that "Children need to be given food in one hand, and beaten with a stick in the other hand". He called it discipline, and I, was of the opinion that it was child abuse....you have to remember that I was still a child at that stage.
We have thankfully come a long way from that era although when you are at the end of your tether, smacking seems like a great idea!!
However, today there seems to be a lack of discipline, mostly because of what we suffered or didn't suffer at the hands of our parents and more importantly we don't know what parenting techniques works well when it comes to discipline. The following article developed by the CPS Psychosocial Paediatrics Committee outlines what we really need to know about discipline and how to apply simple techniques of discipline with our children.
What are the goals of discipline? - Discipline protects your child from danger.
- Discipline helps your child learn self-control and self-discipline.
- Discipline helps your child develop a sense of responsibility.
- Discipline helps instill values.
What makes discipline "effective"?
- Respect: Children should be able to respect their parents' authority and also the rights of other people. Discipline that’s harsh, such as name-calling, shouting and humiliating, will make it difficult for a child to respect and trust a mother or father.
- Consistency: Discipline that’s not consistent is confusing to children, no matter how old they are. If parents are inconsistent in the way they discipline their children, children may find it hard to respect them. Inconsistency, such as sometimes giving in to tantrums, can also reward children for these unwanted behaviours and make it more likely that they will be repeated.
- Fairness: Children need to see discipline as being fair. The consequences of their actions should be related to their behaviour. If your child throws food on the floor, make sure he helps you clean up the mess. Make sure it is cleaned up before he does something else. When the mess is cleaned up, the consequence is over.
- You: As a parent, you have a unique bond with your child. If you teach your child discipline with respect, and make sure that it’s consistent and fair, you’ll have lasting positive effects on your child.
How can parents prevent behaviour problems?
- Give your child many opportunities for physical activity and exercise. Some children need to run off some of their energy.
- Give your child choices about what to do. He will appreciate the chance to make decisions.
- Instead of saying “No”, give her something more interesting to do. This is called distraction or redirection. For example, if she is climbing a fence, you can say “Come and play on the swings.”
- Make sure your child has toys that are right for his age. Toys for young children should be simple. Don’t give them too many at once.
- Become familiar with behaviour that is appropriate for your child’s age. A toddler who accidentally spills a glass of water is not misbehaving. It’s normal.
- Children 2 years of age and younger have trouble remembering and understanding rules. Keep medicines and dangerous items out of their reach.
- Prioritize the rules that you do make. Give top priority to safety, then to correcting behaviour that harms people and property, then onto behaviour such as whining, temper tantrums and interrupting. Concentrate on two or three rules at first.
- If your child is tired and cranky, be understanding and calm to help her settle down. This is especially important before naps or bedtime. Having a short quiet time (with no activity) can prevent bad and irritating behaviour.
- Ignore little things. Before you raise your voice, ask yourself, “Is this important?”
What can parents do to promote good behaviour?
- Spend time alone with your child each day.
- Be comforting. Give your child hugs, cuddles or a gentle pat on the back.
- If children are sad or angry, respect their feelings. Try to understand why they are sad or angry.
- Do things that are fun. Laugh together.
- If you make a promise, do your best to keep it. It is important that children trust their parents, and they will want you to trust them, too.
- Always look for opportunities to praise your child for good behaviour
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| posted by Rebelparent @ 2:03 am |
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The link between Hyperactivity and Food Additives
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September 27, 2007 |
 'I knew it, knew it, knew it!!'
This is what went through my mind when I read the article 'Some Food Additives Raise Hyperactivity, Study Finds' by Elisabeth Rosenthal.
Although Elisabeth Rosenthal discussed quite in depth about the Lancet study, this comment, 'But the new, carefully controlled study shows that some artificial additives increase hyperactivity and decrease attention span in a wide range of children, not just those for whom overactivity has been diagnosed as a learning problem.' shows that we are all vulnerable to the effects of food additives. Here is a further excerpt from that article:
The Lancet study focused on a variety of food colorings and on sodium benzoate, a common preservative. The researchers note that removing this preservative from food could cause problems in itself by increasing spoilage. In the six-week trial, researchers gave a randomly selected group of several hundred 3-year-olds and of 8- and 9-year-olds drinks with additives — colors and sodium benzoate — that mimicked the mix in children’s drinks that are commercially available. The dose of additives consumed was equivalent to that in one or two servings of candy a day, the researchers said. Their diet was otherwise controlled to avoid other sources of the additives.
A control group was given an additive-free placebo drink that looked and tasted the same.
All of the children were evaluated for inattention and hyperactivity by parents, teachers (for school-age children) and through a computer test. Neither the researchers nor the subject knew which drink any of the children had consumed.
The researchers discovered that children in both age groups were significantly more hyperactive and that they had shorter attention spans if they had consumed the drink containing the additives. The study did not try to link specific consumption with specific behaviors. The study’s authors noted that other research suggested that the hyperactivity could increase in as little as an hour after artificial additives were consumed.
The Lancet study could not determine which of the additives caused the poor performances because all the children received a mix. “This was a very complicated study, and it will take an even more complicated study to figure out which components caused the effect,” Professor Stevenson said. |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 11:55 pm |
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How to Deal With Separation Anxiety
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September 25, 2007 |
 I found this amazing article by Kathy Moore from About.com Parenting. Separation anxiety is a challenge for nearly every mother and child. This program will offer some ideas on making separation easier and less stressful for you and your children.
Preventing Separation Anxiety
When my children were infants, I was able to leave them with a sitter or childcare provider and I was the only one who cried. Now that they are older they sometimes make a fuss if I have to leave them for work or some other engagement. This problem seems to come and go so I cannot always predict when a child will fuss about my leaving. I have come up with 5 simple tips to limit separation problems at our house.
Step 1: Calm Your Own Anxiety
First, deal with your own anxiety. Your children look to you for clues about how to behave. If you are anxious about leaving them, the feeling will be contagious. Before you go, calmly inform the child of your schedule and plans for the day, and be sure to focus on communicating when you will return and what they will be doing while you are away.
Step 2: Avoid Rushing Out
Allow for some transition time with the caregiver. For example, rather than leaving as soon as the babysitter arrives, stay and chat or participate in an activity rather than rushing off as soon at the sitter arrives.
Step 3: Commit to Your Exit
Do not prolong the good bye. When it is time to leave, wave goodbye and blow a kiss. Do not stay and try to calm a fussing child. Let the caregiver do her job. It will be easier to calm your child if you get out of the picture.
Step 4: Ease Anxiety With Familiar Routines
Have your child's caregiver create a familiar routine during your absence. Whether the routine involves singing songs or making a snack, encourage your child's caregiver to follow the same routine each time you leave so your child gains confidence in the situation.
Step 5: Have a Happy Homecoming
Commit to a happy homecoming. Set aside at least 10 minutes of undivided time with your child after you return. Even though you may want to get started preparing a meal or returning email or phone messages, put those tasks off in favor of spending uninterrupted time with your child. Use this time to find out what he did while you were away and to reinforce the concept that though you may leave, you always come back.
Separation anxiety is a normal and natural part of growing up. The good news is that most kids outgrow it and so do most moms. |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 10:24 am |
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Words of Inspiration
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September 23, 2007 |
 You cannot change the circumstances,
the seasons, or the wind,
but you can change yourself.
That is something you have. - Jim Rohn |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 11:47 pm |
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Pathetic Excuses for Bullying
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 In a recent article on the freedom-in-education.co.uk website there is a great story about excuse for not handling bullying.
School in its present form is a fairly recent innovation and the reasons why it is the way that it is are pretty well documented: state run primary schools were created to keep children off the streets while their parents were at work and compulsory secondary schooling was invented because there were no jobs for teenagers.
The whole system is more about cheap child care than about real education; it has only been going for a couple of generations and it was entirely predictable that it could not be made to last any longer - children who are not cared for properly themselves make terrible parents and their children make even worse parents and their children are completely unmanageable.
Instead of acknowledging that school is an inhumane way of treating children, people try to blame the children themselves. When children are not being blamed, it is their families, and when it is not their families then blame is directed at individual teachers for not being strong enough to control bullying. |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 10:40 am |
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Words of Wisdom
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September 21, 2007 |
 I expect to pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do,
or any kindness or ablities that
I can show to any fellow creature,
let me do it now.
Let me not defer it or neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.
William Penn |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 12:07 pm |
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Good Old Fashioned Spanking for "naughty" children
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September 19, 2007 |
Spanking or what some refer to as smacking is known worldwide as way of disciplining children. But is it a good way or an ineffective way to discipline children in this day and age? I laugh when a while ago while trying to discipline my son, he said he would prefer a spanking to a punishment because at least it's over and done with. So I went searching on the net to see what the general view on this topic was and came across this very interesting article from the Public Health Agency of Canada which puts it all into perspective. It went as follows:
What's Wrong with Spanking?
The first few years of a child's life are the most important for healthy growth and development. Young children need safety, security and lots of love to feel good about themselves and to care about others. This is easy when children are doing what we want them to do. But what about when they don't do what we want them to do?
Parents often feel unsure about how to handle their child's behaviour. Most parents feel like spanking their children at times.
This pamphlet explains why spanking actually doesn't work. And it gives some tips on how to effectively discipline children without spanking.
Discipline doesn't begin until children are old enough to understand it.
Babies don't need discipline.
Never shake or spank a baby.
What is Discipline?
All children need guidance from their parents, including on how we want them to behave. This guidance is what we call "discipline."
Children need time to learn what they should do and should not do. They learn by watching their parents and others, by hearing clear instructions - "Toys go back on the shelf" - and by getting praise and encouragement for their efforts.
Discipline teaches children responsibility, self-control, and right from wrong. It raises the child's self-esteem, encourages the child to do better, and strengthens the parent-child bond.
Why Doesn't Spanking Work?
Spanking is not an effective form of discipline, even though some people may think it is.
Spanking can lead to anger and resentment and can cause children to lose trust in their parents. Spanking teaches that hitting others is okay. In the long run, spanking makes children's behaviour worse, not better.
Never spank! It simply doesn't work - for the child or the parent.
What Does Work?
What works is to build your child's confidence and problem-solving skills. It is important to figure out the reasons for your child's behaviour such as:
boredom
restlessness
fear
tiredness
lack of words for feelings
illness
hunger
misunderstanding
physical pain
frustration
discouragement
sudden interruption of an activity
When you understand the reason for your child's behaviour, it may be easier to handle the situation without losing your temper. Here are some tips for common situations:
Toddlers want to touch everything. It's how they get to know the world. Slapping a child's hand teaches him to fear his world, not to explore and understand it. The use of time-out is not appropriate for children under two.
Things to try: Put dangerous things out of reach; shift your child's attention with a safe toy; use words like "hot," "sharp," "ouch" to teach about danger; watch your child closely; always make sure your child is in a safe place where you can see him/her.
Is your preschooler having tantrums? Often, young children have tantrums because they are frustrated and cannot control their feelings. They can be frightened by their tantrums. Spanking them may only frighten them more.
Things to try:Stay close by; keep your child safe; stay calm and quiet; take deep breaths. When he/she is calm, use words like "You were mad." Show him/her how to handle angry feelings without yelling or hitting.
Ways to Help Your Child Behave Well
Create a loving and respectful home.
Be a good role model.
Focus on prevention.
Decide what is truly important and have a few clear and consistent rules.
Tell your child what you expect.
Praise your child's efforts, even if they're not perfect.
Respect your child's needs to grow and explore.
Watch your child closely so that you can redirect behaviour before it gets worse.
Ignore minor misbehaviour.
Make sure that you both get enough sleep.
Make sure that you both eat nutritious food regularly.
Last but not least, have lots of fun with your child.
If you are feeling angry;
make sure your child is safe.
take a few minutes for yourself, then calmly talk to your child.
call someone who will understand.
Parents are always learning. All parents need ideas and support. Remember... Nobody's Perfect! |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 3:50 am |
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I think my child is on drugs - Age has no boundaries
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September 14, 2007 |
At the back of every parent's mind is the dreaded "D" word that effects almost every kid in today's society.
Children are exposed to it nearly and if not, everyday and it's naive to think that our child or children are not affected by it. This is the new 'sex' talk that we never want to have with our kids but we need to. I found this article from www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/YourChildsHealth very interesting and quite informative for the unassuming parent...ME !! Here is an excerpt from that article which really sums up what we need to do as parents....
"Is your child using drugs?
Possible signs of drug use can include changes in appearance, friends, interests, eating and sleeping habits, moods and openness. But these signs are often a natural part of growing up. A young person who is not using drugs could show the same changes.
Finding out more
When you do talk:
- try to talk to them when you are calm
- knowledge is power — find out information from the Talk to Frank website or call the Talk to Frank drugs information helpline on 0800 77 66 00
- get someone to help you — it helps to have someone else in the room whom your child likes and respects
- avoid asking 'Why?' — it will put them on the defensive
- don't get hung up on blame — the future is more important
- it's better to know the truth — there's no evidence that talking about drugs leads to drug use
- give the child space — focus the discussion what they are going through
assumptions can be dangerous — let them explain in their own words what's going on for them, and treat what they say seriously
- set clear limits — they need to know your feelings
- they're never too young for a chat — don't discourage the conversation, and encourage them to tell you if they are ever offered drugs
- older children: starting secondary schools is a difficult and vulnerable time
take your time and be ready to listen — be patient, and make sure that you won't be interrupted
- remember the three Rs: reassure, reassure, reassure
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| posted by Rebelparent @ 9:24 pm |
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Thought for the Day
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September 09, 2007 |
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
- Theodore Roosevelt |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 11:41 pm |
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Thought for the Week
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September 03, 2007 |
 "We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open." -Harry Edwards |
| posted by Rebelparent @ 11:47 am |
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